Marks on the wall: a newborn's blog

I'm an Elf

2006-12-30T08:07:00.000-08:00

Click here to see my Elfish self!!
I dance!!!

I've got a sister

2006-12-29T18:27:00.000-08:00

Petra Dane Churchill

Check it!

2006-12-29T18:26:00.000-08:00

I've had collagen injections!!!

2006-05-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!! Eat your heart out Angelina Jolie...

Exhausted

2006-03-11T08:32:00.000-08:00

Top of the morning to you...

2006-03-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

Mazel Tov

2006-03-11T08:17:00.000-08:00

Introducing: Toadstool Gavin

2005-11-05T19:39:00.000-08:00

à la Super Mario Brother's little mushroom friend

Press Briefing: Coup d'états and personnel conflicts

2005-10-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen of Livingroomistan. I have called this meeting to address a recent event and to dispel an outrageous rumor started by my political opponents.

When last I blogged, a coup d'état was underway, led by my sworn enemy, Giant Corner Spider.

He has been dealt with. He was knocked down from his corner and crushed by Dad. With a napkin. He was then thrown in the trash. Let this be a lesson. To the enemies of Livingroomistan, To the enemies of Freedom, To the enemies of Gavin: My Dad has many more napkins, and his trash can has room to spare.

Now, onto other things.

There have been a couple of pictures, circulating in the press, that show me and one of my Command Center advisors having a disagreement. These pictures are obvious fabrications, much like that "picture" of me in a "space suit". They are lies. I do not shake Mr. Fish by his seaweed pedestal. He has made it clear that he does not like it when I do that. I do not make faces at my Advisors. That is not respectful. Whoever created these pictures, beware. You believe you are safe. You believe you are clever. I have a napkin with your name on it.

Click here to see the photos

I've been elected President of Livingroomistan

2005-10-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

I know!

I'm as surprised as you are!

I just put my name down on the ballot as a joke, but it seems that the other Livingroomingistan candiates, namely Giant Corner Spider, Blue Bunny, and Mr. Noisy-Fan Computer, are not as popular as they would like to be. So, fire up the Fisher Price Boppin' Beats Build-a-Band and groove to the polyphonic sounds of Hail to the Chief, the way it was meant to be played.

Oh, and I haven't told you the best part!

Are you ready? (You might want to sit down)

My new job comes with a Command Center, which is fully equipped with a 360° rotating seat, wheels, three squeaking mystery buttons (perhaps they launch missiles?!), a mirror with blue stars on it, and 6 Command Center advisors - Ring-tailed Dolphin, Sing-Along Octopus, Spinny Thing, Ding-Dong the Crab, Crank-Tail Whale, and Mr. Fish.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. I've just been informed that Giant Corner Spider is attempting a coup d'état. Maybe I'll get to push one of the mystery buttons.

Gavin in a box

2005-09-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

I can't go into a lot of detail, but suffice it to say that I now know the penalty for giving my Dad sass

Click here to see for yourself

You put me in a box!?!

What did I do?

Is this because of what I said about your hair?

It's nothing a trip to the barber can't fix.

Wait... I didn't mean that!!!

Mom says I should think about what I said to Dad.

I'm just not sure what to think...

Well, I've thought things over, and I think it's time for me to come out.

Even though Dad's hair might look a little froofy to some people, and even though he's had the same hairstyle for many many years and even though a quick peek through GQ might give him some fresh ideas, personally, I myself think it looks fine.

OK?

Hello?!

Mom?

Dad?

Are we good? Can I get out of the box now?

I said it looks FINE.

Well, If I have to stay in here, I think he should get it cut...

Now you can subscribe!

2005-09-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

Now you can subscribe to Marks on the Wall! Just fill in the form below and you will receive emails notifying you when I update my blog. Enter your email address below to subscribe to Marks on the Wall!

Email me if this doesn't work for you, OK?

Proof of Life on Mars

2005-08-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

2005-08-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

It's Pippi Longstocking, heigh ho ho ha hee ha ha! (click here to hear the Pippi Song)

2005-07-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, so get this. Today, Dad goes down to the "male box" (I've learned that Dad's a male, but I have no idea what a "box" is) and brings back a "package" (but Mom walked in and said "what's in the box?", I'm so confused). Anyway, Dad's gets all excited and is babbling about me getting my first package in the "male" from someone named "Bruceandallisonfails" (SideNote: Bruceandallisonfails, whoever you are, do you think we could come up with a shorter name? I've already got a hard enough time learning everything — from scratch — without having to learn a 6 syllable name for everyone I meet. Your new name is Baaf.)

So anyway. Dad opens the box and pulls this out.

First of all, let me say to Baaf: "The bunny, The bunny, I love the bunny." Secondly, immediately after the unpacking, there was a crisis. No, let me be clearer: there was a MAJOR CRISIS!! It could have been prevented. Sadly, it was not. It happened like this:

This is a re-enactment and not an actual transcript. For an actual transcript, please send $300 to Actual Transcripts, 1234 Bada Bing Avenue, Walla Walla, WA OI812

Gavin: Hello little blue bunny!!

Blue bunny: ...

Gavin: I said hello, Soft Blue Traveller.

Blue bunny: ...

Gavin: (thinking) perhaps he does not speak English

Ciao, coniglietto blu...

...

Hallo, blaues Häschen...

...

Здравствулте!, голубой кролик

...

It was at this point that I noticed there were no AIR HOLES in the "box". Baaf, if you're going to send something through the "male", you're going to have think things through (Mom says this is sexist, but very true). Luckily, he was ok. We gave him some air and Dad went out and bought a stuffed carrot, and he was fine.

Still he seemed shy and bit nervous and I wanted him to feel welcome. So, I whispered a thought in Dad's ear, and well I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

Click here to see my clever idea...

So, to make a long story short (too late, I know, I know): Welcome, Blue Bunny, Soft Blue Traveller, Tamer of the "box" without Air Holes, Defeater of the "Male" (there's mom, giggling again), Temporary Obtainer of a Child's Affections, I will love you forever, or at least until I get a military action figure that shoots real missiles that EXPLODE (are we listening toy manufacturers?)

And thank you Bruceandallisonfails (what can I say, I'm a diplomat at heart) for bringing Blue Bunny into our lives.

2005-07-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Only now do you begin to understand the true cuteness that I possess.

2005-07-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

Me in shades of gray

2005-05-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hello, World!

I was born this morning just ten minutes ago. Already, I am learning that customer service is not very good on this planet. Just look at my towel. Have we heard of LAUNDRY, people?! Hmmmm???

This is the last time I stay in this hotel...

Anyway, a few minutes after this photo was taken, I got to meet my mom. She is so pretty. Then I was off to the nursery, where I was weighed, measured, poked, prodded, washed, gawked at, and subjected to flash photography. Somewhere in the middle of everything I managed to slip off and find a quiet room with internet access to post this entry.

When they found me, I was informed that it was time for my first in a series of three Hepatitis vaccinations. Hepatitis? Vaccination? I didn't know a lot of words yet, but it sure sounded fun! (At the time, I was thinking that one day I would like to take a family vaccination to the Grand Canyon.) Well, you will never guess what is involved with a "vaccination" - if that is its real name - they jam a long pointy thing in your thigh and then they yammer baby talk in your ear while the pain subsides.

We'll just let the picture below summarize how I felt.

So anyway, "vaccination", not that pleasant. But I did hear the nurse talking to my dad about something called a circumcision... Hopefully that will be turn out to be more fun.

More later...