Press Briefing: Coup d'états and personnel conflicts

Ladies and Gentlemen of Livingroomistan. I have called this meeting to address a recent event and to dispel an outrageous rumor started by my political opponents.

When last I blogged, a coup d'état was underway, led by my sworn enemy, Giant Corner Spider.

He has been dealt with. He was knocked down from his corner and crushed by Dad. With a napkin. He was then thrown in the trash. Let this be a lesson. To the enemies of Livingroomistan, To the enemies of Freedom, To the enemies of Gavin: My Dad has many more napkins, and his trash can has room to spare.

Now, onto other things.

There have been a couple of pictures, circulating in the press, that show me and one of my Command Center advisors having a disagreement. These pictures are obvious fabrications, much like that "picture" of me in a "space suit". They are lies. I do not shake Mr. Fish by his seaweed pedestal. He has made it clear that he does not like it when I do that. I do not make faces at my Advisors. That is not respectful. Whoever created these pictures, beware. You believe you are safe. You believe you are clever. I have a napkin with your name on it.


Click here to see the photos

  

I've been elected President of Livingroomistan

I know!

I'm as surprised as you are!

I just put my name down on the ballot as a joke, but it seems that the other Livingroomingistan candiates, namely Giant Corner Spider, Blue Bunny, and Mr. Noisy-Fan Computer, are not as popular as they would like to be. So, fire up the Fisher Price Boppin' Beats Build-a-Band and groove to the polyphonic sounds of Hail to the Chief, the way it was meant to be played.

Oh, and I haven't told you the best part!

Are you ready? (You might want to sit down)

My new job comes with a Command Center, which is fully equipped with a 360° rotating seat, wheels, three squeaking mystery buttons (perhaps they launch missiles?!), a mirror with blue stars on it, and 6 Command Center advisors - Ring-tailed Dolphin, Sing-Along Octopus, Spinny Thing, Ding-Dong the Crab, Crank-Tail Whale, and Mr. Fish.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. I've just been informed that Giant Corner Spider is attempting a coup d'état. Maybe I'll get to push one of the mystery buttons.